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The Three Cs of a Relationship

MatchMakerWondering if things will work out with your new beau? Here, three characteristics to consider when you begin dating someone, from “Become Your Own Matchmaker” by Patti Stanger, star of Bravo TV’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker”.

Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.

[Editor’s note: The following is an excerpt from matchmaker and TV star Patti Stanger’s book, Here, Patti shares the Three Cs — which she considers telling barometers for lasting love. Excerpt is courtesy of Simon&Schuster.]

These three qualities are:

  1. Chemistry
  2. Compatibility
  3. Commuication

 1. Chemistry. Does he make your heart pound and your toes curl? When you’re alone in bed at night, do you replay all his tender touches, the words he used to make your heart melt? At the end of a date, do you want to have your way with him right there on the doorstep? If, however, you don’t feel this way yet, don’t worry. Remember, women are like Crock-Pots, they heat up slowly, and men are like microwaves, instantly ready to go. As long as you think he’s cute and you have fun with him, he’s a contender.

2. Compatibility. How do you “roll” together? Are you comfortable with silence? Do you feel constant pressure to prove yourself to him, or does he make you feel like you’re perfect the way you are? Do you “get” each other? How do your energy levels match up? Do you love/hate the same things? Compatibility basically means that your routines mesh, you enjoy doing the same things, and you want the same things at the same time. For example, if you want kids and he doesn’t, you are NOT compatible.

3. Communication. Do you feel you can tell him anything, or do you have to watch what you say around him? How do you each express your emotions, wants, and needs, and are you comfortable talking about them? How do you argue? How do you settle disagreements? It’s not an issue of whether or not you have a difference of opinion, what’s important is how you resolve those differences. Consideration is the key to communication, because if you feel cherished, you’ll reward him with respect, and like Verizon, no one will ever have to ask, “Can you hear me now?”

To be honest, you’re lucky if he meets 51 percent, even a fraction more than half, of your needs in the Three Cs. Diversity in a relationship is good and healthy — it means you can each learn from the other. How boring would it be if your mate were exactly like you? It’s our differences that make us interesting, and often attract us to each other. Besides, he’s a man. He’s wired differently. He’s never going to be exactly like you. The Three Cs are simply something to consider during the first ninety days, in between the times you’re talking about him and dreaming about him.

Get more tips for attracting your perfect mate in Become Your Own Matchmaker by Patti Stanger.

About the Author
Patti Stanger is the author of Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate and the star and executive producer of her own television show, The Millionaire Matchmaker, on Bravo. Her wildly successful matchmaking efforts have been featured on E!, MTV, Dateline, Dr. Phil, Ellen, Tyra, NBC News, The Big Idea with Donnie Deutsch and numerous other television shows, as well as in Marie Claire, Elle, Glamour, the New York Times, Forbes, The National Enquirer, the Washington Post and many more.



Saturday, 25 July 2009 07:48:52

Friday, 24 July 2009 19:16:29

Chemistry, communication, commitment (also, loyalty, integrety to the relationship, etc.) are essential. Looks is not important, Money is not; sex is not essential. (No, I am not opposed to looks, money, or sex, but I have been in several relationships where the other items were not all there – primarily communication and chemistry were lacking -, but the sex was so good we stayed together for too long just for the sex, or we felt financially comfortable, etc.) Money does become an issue for all socio-economic classes, not due to lack of it, but how it is shared and utilized.

Terry S
Friday, 24 July 2009 08:22:03
love, commitment, honesty, loyalty, compassion, compromise, love, desire, love, devotion, communication, faithfulness, laughter, tears, kissing, passion, ….

Friday, 24 July 2009 08:18:02
Don’t use triple c’s

Friday, 24 July 2009 08:15:19
3Cs for me are: Compassion, Commitment, and Copulation.

Terry S
Friday, 24 July 2009 08:15:10

I don’t believe there is any master combination to a relationship you either work or you don’t.

Communication, cash, compassion, credit, cheating, chlamydia, clumsiness, crassness, celebrity, compromise, commitment, cowardness, courage, cuddling, criticism,….the c’s go on and on. Without the right something, which I don’t know what it is no relationship works in the end

Friday, 24 July 2009 07:49:36
it people like you who get my blood boiling.
So let me get this right….. Those people who are Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist etc have no chance of a loving relationship right?
How vulgar, and  self-righteous of you!

It is OK to have your own beliefs but to spit them like venom at people who have devised otherways of living their lives and being happy is just wicked. And it makes you no different from everyother religious fanatic out there.

Friday, 24 July 2009 07:35:59

OK, let’s examine BWC2000’s comment here:


Car, Cash, and Condo – All three of these are had by “successful” women who just simply go out and get a job and make their own money.


Ladies, take note:  Money doesn’t buy happiness, nor does it buy love.  It buys comfort at best.  I took note of the latest high-profile divorce proceedings the other day and the woman was talking about how she needed $10,000 a day for expenses to “keep her lifestyle up”.  That is more like so she can be a spoiled rich brat.


If you want a lasting relationship, it isn’t Christ, or Faith in God, or anything else more than the two of you working out your issues, and learning to live and love each other.  A good sex life, good communication, and of course the chemistry that brought you together in the first place is all that is needed.


There are couples and families that live on measily means (I was one of them) and they have done fine and continue to do fine when they apply themselves.


It is a known fact that those who live at or below the Median Income level are likely to stay married longer than those above the level.  This is not because they can’t afford a divorce, it’s because money doesn’t become a divisive issue, because there is so little of it most of the time, and both know they must use it wisely on essentials, and not extravagances.


More people in the “upper income brackets” need to learn this.  It may be an enlightening experience.  Ask Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, they now understand just how good they do have it and have more respect for it.


Friday, 24 July 2009 07:09:08


“Without Christ in your relationship you have nothing not even the love.”

Sarcastic  excuse you, but that is very haughty.

please keep that on a ‘keep telling yourself that’ basis.

otherwise you’re just another judgemental a** that THINKS they know what’s best for everyone else. not everyone believes the same as you do. and as soon as you get that through your thick head {live and let live}, maybe you will finally ‘get it’.


you’re a prime example of a hypocrite btw

Friday, 24 July 2009 07:08:26

uhm, it doesnt start with a C, but what about Loyaly? Faithfullness? yea… not on the list… down with cheating ****!!!

– sincerely-

     Newly Single.

Friday, 24 July 2009 07:07:54
Three years and you are not married?   And you are so happy?????

Friday, 24 July 2009 07:06:04
Yup the three c’s are  
Cash. Cash, Cash… The more you have. Them more they will come
running for you.
That simple!    

Shannon D.
Friday, 24 July 2009 07:03:45

I feel that each of the 3 C’s are all very important in any relationship whether it’s within the first ’90 days’ or after you’ve been dating for a long time. However, communication I think is the most important because if you don’t have this then you can forget about any of the others working for you as well. If you don’t feel like you can talk to your ‘significat other’ and have good communication then it takes away from the relationship with compatibility and your chemistry. Who wants to fool around with someone they’re always mad at and can’t talk to? Or don’t connect with? I think the author is right with how you can’t have 100 percent with everything with your partner. As long as there’s a mutual respect though and you already have the three C’s… then you have a pretty good chance of things working out between the two of you.

Friday, 24 July 2009 06:30:33
Have Christ, Communication, and Compassion.  Our pastor’s sermon was on our wedding day and there is so much truth in those three.  Without Christ in your relationship you have nothing not even the love.

Friday, 24 July 2009 06:10:12

The three C’s are


If you master these three you are in..


I agree with you whole-heartedly, manderson!  My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years.  All 3 of your Cs were lacking in our previous marriages, but now that we have each other and have discovered the “magic” of these 3 Cs, we are both happier than we’ve ever been…..and we’re in our 40s!

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Friday, 24 July 2009 05:43:50
My friend recommended me a very interesting place ***  Red rose***  It’s where wealthy singles looking for  someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with:)

Friday, 24 July 2009 05:35:46
No. the real 3 C’s are

Cash (or usable credit cards)
Condo (or own place)

If guys have all of these 3 in amble ambundance, your relationship will always be there and work out.  Do not tell me you girls do not want any of these.  Without these FIRST, the above will never work…in the long term.  These 3 Cs comes first, and then you can talk about these other Cs that the author just wrote about.  It’s not materialism… it’s realism.

Friday, 24 July 2009 05:34:32
Like everyone else the most important C of any relationship is commitment.  We live in a disposable society and treat marriage/relationships as such.  Treat your partner with respect, like you want to be treated.  Listen to them, really listen to them and validate what they feel.  We treat strangers with more respect and courtesy than we do our loved ones.

Friday, 24 July 2009 05:30:48

not all millionaires are good n neither r all good looking people good. It is the character that enhances or degrades look.

Where you meet – online or in person – is not important as long as you’re happy and content with the way things are going. That is all that matters really. Nothing can be set as rules of a relationship as each one is different. Yes, there should be love, trust, commitment, honesty and faith in each other. But, nothing else can really be set as a rule.

At the end of it all, you will be together if and till you are meant to be.

Friday, 24 July 2009 05:09:12

Millionaires break up just like the rest of us. Maybe more so because the money makes them arrogant. Her 3 c’s actually should be classified as 1 C.  Every relationship is a Compromise, the trick is to find the one where the compromise is equal.

Friday, 24 July 2009 05:01:10
Not everyone worth dating is a millionaire. Just like not every millionaire is worth dating. Hopefully she understands that if your only goal is money, your goal attained will be unhappiness.

Friday, 24 July 2009 04:57:49

Every one today wants everything their way and only their way. Marriage is about compromise. Not just making your spouse happy, wanting to make them happy.

So many marriages end so soon these days, because people just simply don’t try hard enough.

Married young, had kids young, went through hard times, but didn’t give up on each other. We’re happier now than we ever were!

Stick it out, it’s worth it.

Friday, 24 July 2009 04:22:00
Yes.  This is VERY helpful. Eye-rolling I think the biggest “C” is commitment.  That is what most relationships in this country are lacking.  Commitment to stick by each other through thick and thin. Commitment to stay faithful to one another.  Commitment to ride out the hard times that will come and when you don’t “feel in love” anymore. Commitment when it feels like the chemical reaction has fizzled out.

Friday, 24 July 2009 04:13:21
The three C’s are


If you master these three you are in..

Just another example of how clueless MSN is!

Friday, 24 July 2009 01:34:43
Do we have a group of parrots here?

Friday, 24 July 2009 00:00:16

There was a site about 10 years ago called “”  Yeah, right.  I had some loon from that site call me 15 times one weekend when I didn’t like what he had to say and would not return his call.  Some millionaire.


And a call to the police with his phone call and a report he was harassing me ended the constant calls.  Stay off the Internet and find a man face-to-face, millionaire or not.

Thursday, 23 July 2009 23:56:43

Yes, let us all meet on line, romance one another – or should I say, romance the screen – on line, and meet the millionaire of our dreams.


How about meeting men face-to-face by joining hiking clubs, a bowling league, a cycling club.  Rich men?  Probably not.  Nice guys?  A halfway decent chance.


Oh, please “chemistry” means sexual hots.  Chemistry is a bunch of hooey.  “Does he make your heart pound and your toes curl?”  What a load of crap.  In five years, when you’re married with a crying baby – or if you’re juggling a career and he’s working overtime to meet the mortgage – you’ll be lucky if you can curl your hair; forget your toes.


No, I am not being sour about this, but reality is what it is.  Save your money and don’t give it to this goof to enrich her for rewriting the same old/same old.


Enjoy being single.  Cultivate a group of friends.  Have great times.  Enjoy your life.  That’s all it takes to find a decent guy.  If you love yourself first, set your standards to what you want in a mate – you will find them.


Jeesh!  What people will peddle for money.  Like the junk this woman is writing hasn’t been written about a jillion times before.


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